Bullying? (02-28-11)

Imagine, if you will, a crowded hallway. Two kids bump into each other going different directions. “Watch it, jerk,” one student says. “Who are you calling a jerk?” the other replies. The first kid shoves the second kid and moves on before retaliation can occur.

Imagine two other students on the playground. “I heard that you said…” one tells the other, relating a rumor. “Well, I heard you said…” retorts the other. “Well, I’m not going to play with you. You’re not my friend!” and the first student storms away.

Finally, imagine two students at lunch. One is seated, and the other sits down in an adjoining seat. Suddenly the first student gets up and without a word moves to sit with a group of students who have just sat at another part of the table.

I have seen these three scenarios occur in one form or another over my career. Shoving in the hallway, disputes on the playground, and students wanting to sit with their friends at lunch, all common occurrences in any grade school.

And at one time or another I have listened to parents express their concern that when such a incident occurred, that their son or daughter was being bullied.

We take bullying very seriously. We have a bullying policy in place, we bring in speakers to talk to the kids about bullying, and through out Character Counts program, we spend a lot of time talking about how to treat other people. Whenever I receive a concern about bullying, I investigate immediately. I talk to the kids involved and often I interview witnesses.

I define “bullying” as an act of intimidation by a stronger person over a weaker person. Bullying usually occurs over time, happening repeatedly and often without any other reason than a stronger person or group sees an opportunity to gain something from a weaker person or group. Bullying is often the result of cruelty, or some sort of power play where the bully enjoys the feeling of superiority.

So when I receive a concern about bullying, the first questions I ask are: Did the incident happen once or is it occurring every day? Was there a reason for the incident? Is one person scared or intimidated by the other?

Almost always, the answers to these questions are no. I usually discover that the incident, while the result of a bad decision and emotions out of control, are isolated events. I usually discover that there are two sides to the incident. Someone instigated, someone responded. I often find out that disputes are the result of misunderstandings. Rumors and misinterpretation usually play a part in turning molehills into mountains.

Take the last scenario. Usually, a student moving to sit with their friends is just that, and is not a deliberate act of exclusion to whoever sat next to them. However, as a school we have addressed this by requiring the students to stay put wherever they originally sit, because we don’t want to take chances that a student or a group of students would bully a classmate through intentional exclusion.

Student safety is our number one priority because we know that a student must feel safe in order to be able to learn. We care about our kids and do not want to see anyone get bullied.

Yet, that word, bullying, is used a lot. Many concerns about a student conflict begin with the words, “My son/daughter was bullied…”

I rarely ever find any actual bullying. I find evidence of altercations, bad decisions, and students not exercising good judgment or demonstrating good character. I impose consequences in order to teach students to better manage their behavior. But more often than not, there is no evidence of systematic intimidation, no domination of one student over another, no proof or a power play.

I am not saying that bullying doesn’t happen. I would suspect that bullying happens more often outside of school than in. We take bullying very seriously, and I will continue to investigate all claims of the practice.

With this article, as with my conversations with parents, I hope to educate about the difference between bullying and other types of student conflict. We at HCGS will continue to educate our students and to maintain our vigilance to keep every day squabbles from becoming the pervasive and destructive behavior that is bullying.

Wrestling with Conviction (02-21-11)

Last week, a headline in the KC Star caught my attention: “Iowa Wrestler Forfeits Rather Than Wrestle a Girl.”

It turns out that Joel Northrup forfeited his first round bout against Casey Herkelman due to religious beliefs. In a statement released by his school’s AD, the young man stated: “wrestling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times. As a matter of conscience and my faith, I do not believe that is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner.”

Herkelman was the first female to qualify for the Iowa State Wrestling Tournament in its 85 year history, and she wasn’t alone. A second girl, Megan Black, qualified as well.

These three athletes have not only had to wrestle other people, they have had to wrestle with their convictions. They had to struggle with the decision to do what is easy, what is expected, what is traditional, versus what they believe in their hearts to be right.

I can’t imagine what they have gone through. For the young women, I can’t imagine the comments, the looks, and the prejudice they must have faced. How many times were they told they should quit, join a proper girl’s team, or conform to societal expectations? How many friends have they lost because of their decision to compete in a sport traditionally dominated by male athletes?

And for the young man, I can’t imagine the struggle to give up his chance at state recognition in order to follow his sense of right and wrong. The decision could not have been easy to make or to live with afterwards.

Wrestling presents an interesting and unique opportunity. I can think of no other sport where males can compete one-on-one against females. Wrestling allows for a somewhat even playing field. By dividing the wrestlers into weight classes, girls face boys of a similar weight. And wrestling utilizes equal parts strength, agility, flexibility, quickness, and intelligence. Pound for pound, males often possess more physical strength than females (though not always!). However, girls can be just as agile, as flexible, as intelligent, as dedicated, and as trained as male athletes. In fact, the usually lighter frame of a girl can actually be an advantage in a sport where you can be awarded points for your ability to wriggle out of tight places.

The fact that this pair of girls qualified for the state tournament proves that they were skilled wrestlers. They had to face and defeat male opponents all year. Wrestling is truly the one sport where this could be possible on a regular basis.

John F. Kennedy once said, “Nations around the world look to us for the leadership not merely by strength of arms but by strength of our convictions.” Yes, boys may have stronger arms than girls. But in my perspective, physical strength isn’t everything. Win or lose, agree or disagree, I can not help but admire people who rely not just on the strength of the muscles, but also on the strength of their convictions.

A Single Room (01-24-11)

Recently, I have become interested in the one room schools of Kansas. I have learned that one room schools were more prevalent and were in use more recently than I would ever have guessed.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the funeral of my granmother-in-law, Eula Mae Simpson. She attended a one room school in Garnett, Kansas, and then, at the age of 17, returned to be the teacher there. She only taught for a couple of years, until the time she was married.

At the funeral, I met with Eula’s sister and her husband, both who had attended one-room schools. They regaled me with stories of both the hardships and the joys of attending a school so small that often there was only one student in a grade.

This weekend, I heard more about one-room schools at the Solomon Valley Highway 24 Heritage Alliance’s annual meeting. The event is not only a business meeting for the organization, but is also a chance to recognize the winners of their annual “Call For Voices” writing contest.

The winners could chose to read their winning entry, and thus I heard the first place autobiography. For more than ten minutes, we were held spell bound by Joyce Koops, of Downs, as she read her winning selection, “Silk Purses,” a recollection of attending a one room school house. The author recounted how every year would begin with a new female instructor. It seemed that during each summer, the teacher would get herself married, and I suppose would then either give up the profession and be released by the county superintendent. For whatever the reason, the story was naturally divided by the repeated phrase: “That summer, our teacher married, and that fall, we started the year with a new teacher.”

The one room school was really the teacher’s world. One year, the writer described her lessons as being conducted with “military precision” against the “constant clatter of shoes marching to and from the recitation bench.” The next year, they enjoyed the talents of an “artistic teacher, fresh out of college” who was determined to turn her class of sow’s ears into silk purses. The third year found them with yet another teacher who had them singing hymns at the schools opening day ceremony.

It was a wonderful story, one I could have listened to all day. Afterwards, talking with a lady seated at my table, I remarked at how interesting I found the idea of attending a one room school. My tablemate informed that she had attended a one room school, at least through the first grade. To this day, she didn’t know how her teacher had managed, having to teach first graders who couldn’t yet read to eighth graders who were doing much more demanding lessons.

She remembered older students helping the younger students and she remembered that her teacher was very busy person. Somehow, everyone got along, and at the end of the day, everyone learned.

I admit being a bit fascinated with the idea of a one-room school. Yes, I’m sure many were too hot in the fall and too cold in the winter. I would imagine that most were in want of school supplies and books. Many probably didn’t even have indoor plumbing, and I would guess that a piano or a phonograph were the only technology.

Yet, as I meet people who attended a one-room school, they all seem to have turned out just fine. In fact, all the former one-room students I have talked to seem highly articulate and educated.

I think the positive effect one room schools generally had on the students who toiled away at the “recitation bench” can be attributed to two things: First they were small. Many one-room schools had fewer than twenty students, and I would imagine that none had more than thirty. When a school is that small, it is easy to form the kind of relationships that allow students to feel safe and to feel loved. I will always believe that those two things must be present before any significant learning can occur. One-room schools probably had that sense of family that put kids in the best possible frame of mind to learn.

I would guess that the second factor in the success of one-room schools were the teachers. They may have kept getting themselves hitched, and thus there may have been great turnover, but from the stories I’ve heard, one-room schoolteachers were remarkable educators. They had to be highly organized, flexible, tough, but also caring. They were, after all, so much more than just a teacher.

Teachers of one-room schools performed the roles of custodian, secretary, nurse, and lunch monitor. They were the principal, counselor, vice principal of discipline, and the librarian. In some one-room schools, the teacher may also have been the transportation director, bus driver, and coach. They taught all subjects, including health, art, music, band, and physical education. In essence, a one-room schoolteacher had to be a jack-of-all-trades, and in the process, often became inspirations to the children they taught and loved.

I can only imagine. I am glad to continue their great tradition of public education. Now, though, I know, that for many people in our rural communities, it all began with a single room.

Christmas Mary-cle (12-20-10)

People sometimes comment on my patience with hyperactive children. Some can hardly believe that I can be so calm and understanding with kids who are bouncing off the walls.

What most people don’t know is that I was one of those kids.

The one person who does know this, and knew it all too well for most of her childhood, would have to be my big sister, Mary. She is in the middle of my three older sisters, seven years younger than Cait and one year older than Sarah. And she was most often the target of my childhood hyper activity.

To be honest, I was a bit spoiled as a child. My parents were approaching forty when I came into their lives, and I was not only the youngest, the baby of the family, I was also the only boy. That made me the golden child.

Mary did her part, though, to keep my feet on the ground. She never backed away from disciplining me whenever I would tease her, invade her privacy, or act up in any way. More than any of my other sisters, she taught me to fight, a valuable skill for any growing boy.

Luckily, I grew up and calmed down. And I grew to appreciate my sister Mary.

Mary is the artist of the family, and there are several of her paintings hanging in the house. She majored in art with a special emphasis in sculpture. Talk about cool!

After college, she headed to St. Louis where I visited her a couple of times. Her apartment was in an old part of town that I remember as having great shops and restaurants. Mary introduced me to good Chinese food, independent films, and good rhythm and blues. She broadened my horizon with her eclectic tastes and her love of life.

She married a wonderful guy and they moved to Salt Lake City. I visited and was introduced to skiing and sushi. I discovered that she had become a pretty good chef, and that her husband could brew a tasty bottle of beer. I visited over Christmas, and it is one of my fondest Christmas memories.

Mary and A.J. now have three wonderful children and live in Portland, Oregon. I am scheduled to get on a plane and go for another visit, again to spend Christmas with their family.

I am looking forward to spending time with them and reconnecting. I am just happy that after enduring my shenanigans for the first part of her life, Mary still wants to have anything to do with me. After fighting like cats and dogs during our childhood, I am amazed that we get along so well now. I guess you would have to call that my Christmas Mary-cle.

Stop, Think, Click (01-17-11)

This week we had a very useful and informative program for our K-12 students. More than once, I heard that the information presented would be equally good for parents. So, parents, here you go.

The program is called “Net Smartz” and travels through Kansas giving presentations on Internet Safety for all age levels. It is run by the Boy’s and Girl’s Club of Manhattan and has been providing their pertinent program for more than a decade.

They left me with a booklet called, “Stop, Think, and Click: 7 Practices for Safer Computing.” Here are the highlights:

1. Protect your personal information. The presenter emphasized this statement repeatedly in her talk with the kids. Basically, it just means to not share your real name, address, phone, or other information with anyone you don’t know personally. When shopping on-line, be sure the website is secure before divulging credit card info.
2. Know who you’re dealing with. The basic premise for all Internet safety is to be aware of possible fraud or theft. The booklet advises awareness against “phishers,” who are fraudsters who send fake emails or pop up messages looking to get personal or financial information. See practice #1: protect!
3. Use anti-virus and anti-spyware software as well as a firewall, and update them regularly. Luckily most new computers come with these things preinstalled and the most update automatically. Some unscrupulous Internet predators search the net for unprotected computers that they can control anonymously. You also need to beware of spyware, which are programs that monitor keystrokes. Sluggish computer performance can often result. Finally, never open an email attachment unless you are certain where it came from.
4. Set up your operating system and web browser properly and update them regularly. Basically, updates are often written to counter the latest tricks and schemes of hackers, so installing updates is critical in staying one step ahead.
5. Protect your passwords. One piece of advice that I found interesting pertained to creating strong passwords. The booklet suggested thinking of a memorable phrase and using the first letter of each word as your password. For example, “How much wood can a woodchuck chuck” becomes “hmwcawcc.” If you replace some letters with symbols or letters that can represent them, your passwords becomes even stronger, such as replacing the “a” in the example with “@”, creating, “hmwc@wcc.” A very strong password.
6. Back up important files. This is always good practice whether you’re talking about net safety or just good computer practice.
7. Learn who to contact if something goes wrong online. There are a variety of federal websites designed to help in the case of fraud or theft. They include the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at www.ic3.gov, the Federal Trade Commission at www.ftc.gov, and an email to where you can forward spam (unwanted email): spam@uce.gov.

Along with these seven tips, the booklet gave “Safety Tips for Tweens and Teens on Social Networking,” “Advice for Online Shopping,” what to know about online auctions and wireless security, and provided a nice glossary of terms related to all things “on-line.”

If you would like to read the “Stop, Think, Click,” please contact the grade school.