I, Bully (10-29-07)

What image comes to mind when you hear the word “bully”? Perhaps, you conjure an image of a big, muscular kid wearing an evil grin while twisting arms and demanding milk money – like the bully Scott Farkus in the movie A Christmas Story.

This week, an expert by the name of Bill Beirman, the assistant director of the Southwest Plains Educational Service Center, treated our students to a presentation all about bullies. Mr. Beirman began by showing a short video clip in which one penguin trips another. The film clip was effective because it made everyone laugh, as the poor victim penguin fell face first onto thin ice that broke sending him splashing into the icy depths.

Also, his example of bullying lacked any man-children sneering and pummeling defenseless victims. He used funny looking penguins, and his example drove home a powerful point to all the students from the smallest kindergartner to the biggest senior: anyone and everyone can be a bully.

Think about that. Each one of us can act like a bully, or in the lexicon of bullying experts, can display bullying behavior. The distinction is important because to label someone a bully is to immediately conjure up that image of a big, mean, evil-eyed arm-twister. To say that someone has displayed bullying behavior leaves room for the bully to still be someone good, someone with worthy qualities, someone who made a bad choice and engaged in harmful behavior.

In other words, a bully could be anyone at anytime. We all have the potential to behave badly, to trip someone else, or to watch passively as someone gets tripped, or even to laugh as the tripped victim goes splat, face-first.

Bleak as this may sound, recognizing the potential bully in ourselves better equips us to deal with bullying behavior wherever it may rear its ugly head. The simple truth is that it is a much easier thing to change behavior than it is to change people. We are who we are, with both black and white and every shade in between.

Our behavior, though, is less a reflection of ourselves and our natures than a testament to our education. Bullying behavior, like bigotry, racism, and intolerance, is something that is taught and something that is learned. Bullying behavior is taught everywhere from locker rooms to playgrounds to A Christmas Story, through movies, books, and song lyrics, and even though funny videos of cute little penguins tripping each other.

So it is up to us to teach our kids better behaviors, to teach them to resist the lure or violence and intimidation as a means of self-fulfillment. It has been my focus as a K-8 principal and it is a goal of our school district, to not only stop and punish the bullies, but also to teach our students to make good choices and avoid displaying bullying behavior.

After his presentation, Mr. Beirman told me a story about how once, after giving his talk to a group of parents, he was approached by an angry father. “I sat there and listened to what you had to say about choosing non-violence,” the man told the expert, “but I am still going to tell my kids that if anyone picks on them, they should fight back and kick their butts.”

Unfortunately, this sentiment of responding to violence with violence is all to common in our society. While fighting back may seem to be an obvious and somewhat satisfying answer, does it really bring about resolution? Would a good butt-kicking actually teach someone engaging in bullying behavior to make better choices? Or would a violent response simply cause a bully to better select a more defenseless victim? And if a victim was successful in beating a bully using the bully’s violent tactics, might that teach the victim that violence is indeed a good way to get what they want, thereby turning the victim into a bully?

Teaching bullying behavior is easy. Teaching kids and adults to resist the bully inside is much more of a challenge. Please join our school district and me as we face the challenge of bullying behavior.