Parents Helping Parents (04-23-07)

At the Oakley track meet (held in Colby, sorry to hear about your track, Oakley!), I ran into an old friend, not from Hill City. He is a good guy, terrific parent, and faithful supporter of his school. Not having seen him for a while, I asked how his children were doing.

“Well, my oldest is in college, my second is here today, and my youngest is home sick.”

“Sick?” I asked. “Is she all right?”

“Oh she just has a cold. I think she got it at the After Prom Bash. You know staying up all night is hard on these kids. I remember, when I was in high school, my father told me that I was expected home right after the dance. If I didn’t go right home, he would come out looking for me!”

His point was that he felt that it should be the parents’ responsibility to keep their kids safe after prom, graduation, and other occasions where kids may be tempted to get into trouble. “I think parents are expecting these project proms to do their job for them,” he said.

We talked about other things, about family and school and what an amazing privilege it is to watch our kids grow and develop into wonderful people.

But I must admit that I was rattled by his comments against organized after-prom events. I have always been a huge supporter of such nights. In fact, just last week I attended our Hill City Project Prom and I could not have been happier with the experience.

The conversation on the infield of the Colby track got me thinking about the reasons for community and school sponsored after prom and after graduation parties. These events have grown in popularity because they usually do such a good job of keeping kids off the streets, out of trouble, and happily engaged in safe but fun activities.

Yet, the very premise of any after prom/graduation event is that kids, left to their own devices, will stay up all night and get into some sort of trouble. These community sponsored bashes have arisen on the supposition that parents can’t control their kids and thus it is up to the school or community to provide a safe alternative.

It is amazing how a simple conversation with a person I hadn’t seen in years could put so many thoughts into my head. While he obviously allowed his daughter to attend the Project Prom in his community, he felt the organizers were usurping his duty as a parent.

And I could not disagree more. I understand his argument, but so what? Yes, there are some parents who may give their kids a little too much rope, and yes, sometimes their sons and daughters do get tangled in the extra cordage of freedom.

But the after-prom and the after-graduation celebrations I’ve seen aren’t being run by strangers. They are being organized and run by parents – incredibly dedicated and well meaning parents who not only want to provide kids with a “safe alternative” but also they want to be part of the lives of their children.

Where I differ most from my friend is that I think kids need as many parents as can be found. I salute the adults who stay up all night with our high school kids, because they are getting involved in the lives of adolescents who need adult interaction. If these people are acting as surrogate parents for a night, then I say “Thank you!”

I’ve heard it said that when it comes to raising children, “It takes a village.” I would say that it takes a small town. It takes Hill City and all the outstanding people who regularly volunteer, get involved, and work together to make a positive impact in our community, our school, and in the lives of our kids.

Ironically, my friend told me a story about how the people who had organized the after-prom activities in his community had received a letter chastising them for ending the festivities at 5:00 am. The letter said that “they should feed those kids breakfast and not let them go until the sun had come up!”

This story just goes to show that you can’t please everybody. Overall, however, I think the parent organizers of the Hill City Project Prom deserve all our gratitude and all our appreciation. When it comes to raising teenagers, parents need all the help they can find, and in Hill City, as in many communities, parents are helping parents.

With all due respect to my friend, personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way.